Install fartscroll.js on his dev server.
Alias pico and nano to vi
Organize flash-mob tasked with simultaneously throwing dinosaurs at him, at precisely the same moment.
Install fartscoll.js into Schnippy's WWDC presentation
Pass all of Schnippy's traffic through a transparent web proxy, and turn all of his images upside down. See http://www.ex-parrot.com/pete/upside-down-ternet.html for details.